Should a winner use ketchup or mayo with their fries?
Ketchup is for a person who loves America. Anyone who puts ketchup on their fries has probably been doing so since they ate their first french fry to begin with. It is so deeply ingrained in their subconscious that they can’t begin to separate the potato from the skin, so to say.
Only 2 kinds of people like mayonnaise on fries: weirdos and cosmopolitan world travelers. No one knows why they started using mayonnaise on their fries, either. Ask them and you’ll get a shrug and a puzzled look as they try to reach the dark recesses of their memories and remember just where they heard that dipping a hot potato into a paste that looks like sour cream was a good idea.
Which should a winner use?
It depends where your allegiances lie. If you like tomatoes, sugar, and the color red, ketchup is the one for you. If you prefer eggs and lemon juice, mayonnaise has got you covered. Be a winner and pick the one you like best. You can always come up with reasons later.
Of course, you can leave everyone guessing and pick a different one every time, sternly declaring that there is room for everyone at the condiment table. Then everyone will think you’re being mysterious and enigmatic.
And if you want to make a REAL impression, there’s always the wildcard fry guy: blue cheese dressing.
But ah, young one, you aren’t ready for that yet. By the way, anyone who doesn’t east ketchup, just one thing to try: Whataburger Ketchup.